Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
