my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize