Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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