I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
