Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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