Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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