So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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