I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
