I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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