There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
