He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
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