I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
