Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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