one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
