i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
