So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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