Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
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