Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
