I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
