I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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