she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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