Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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