Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
