but the lizard people decide everything anyway
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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