I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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