Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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