One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
