Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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