I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My dick has a subreddit
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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