There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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