This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
