smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
