2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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