you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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