I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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