Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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