The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
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