the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
