It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
