you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
