it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
