She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
