you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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