This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
