i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
As shirtless as possible
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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