we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just found a bag of teeth...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
