I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
