I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize