help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
