My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize