i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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