I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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