You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I pour the whiskey from now on
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
