So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
