That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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