she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
