you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize