I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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