physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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