My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
