Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
