Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
