you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
