Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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