you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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