My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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