She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize