You smell like a Billy Joel song
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
