I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
