like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize