i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
