i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
