Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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