he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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