All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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