Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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