if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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